Love Letter

Date: Wed, 23 Feb 1994 17:07:12 -0600 (CST)
From: "free agent .rez"
To: Leri@pyramid.com (Leri)
Subject: Re: LOVE LETTERS

>I would like to ask you all for any love letters you would care to send.

ok. this one is rather close to my heart. this seems as good a tribute as any. at the time it was just a "note," it was rather early on on our relationship. 6 years old -- to the *day* it seems after looking [i swear i did not think of that WOW that is weird..] from a person named amber who is now no longer with us.

---

2.23.88

 
i am not infatuated with you --
        i'm not obsessed --
you're different --
        you are you and i love you for you --
        i want you for you --
                i love your body --
                i love a lot of bodies --
                but i also love -- you --
        your mind, -- your ideas -- your desires
                        peace --
                -- that makes me smile --
 
i am infatuated -- obsessed
                with you --
        not just your bulge --
 
        i want you to fuck me
                it's just a human desire
        to want you drawn near --
 
the first time -- it probably wouldnUt even fit --
                        it would hurt --
there wouldn't be any stars and stripes --
        no fireworks --
 
but i know (i really hope) that there
would be a candle --
        a burning flame --
 
sometimes i want you to screw
me all night long --
                a lot of times i just need
to be w/ you -- hold your hand --
 
                just sit in your room --
on your bed, with a candle between us --
        i want to look in your eyes
                the whole night -- -- --
        sometimes i really need that
                the feeling of love -- forever.
 
        i really love YOU
 
just like you, i love a lot of people --
        i love you -- i love paul -- i love brian --
i love tommy -- i love steve -- i love robert -- i love roland
 
        but i love you and paul the
most -- i know you're saying you can't measure
        love -- i can -- i just did --
        i think you two are really special --
                more special than the others --
 
i do love brian -- but...?
 
i looked at you today and wondered if you
saw things my way -- i looked at you  today --
 
if we were alone --
and we were both sweating and wet --
-- i couldn't --
i would want to touch you --
kiss your lips -- kiss your entire body --
        unbutton your 501's --
        but i couldn't -- i couldn't because
                of desert.
 
here i stand -- head in hand --
        my face against the wall --
 
now isn't it me putting pain in a
        stranger --
        i'm scared and i'm lonely --
i'm in your way?
                and i'll steal every moment.
 
i need to hold you --                                        i hide behind
        i mean really hold you --                              a curtain and
                                                             you will never
it's nice in my snowstorm --                                   see me cry.
        but i'm freezing my brain.
 
i know it's hard to choose --
it's not fair that you have to --
-- you don't --
        i don't think you're ready --
                i don't think you will ever
                be ready -- because you don't
                want to have to choose --
        -- i want desert to be happy --
 
nothing matters --
        what if it did -- ?
 
i wonder why my daddy cries --
        and how i wish that i was merely five
 
                        - river [amber]