Welcome To The Wilderness

by Mark Nuttall

Act I

He sits in his room, four pints of Theakstons lend a wild feeling, elevated by bong hits and Carter USM sneer

    // spend your money girls on sprays and lipsticks
       tested on bunnies girls strays and misfits
       ozone friendly rape alarms for those blinding dates
       another summer of hate

       it's the top shop for tired and rundown
       going up for the final comedown
       first and second floors third and fourth world wars
       we've got a free pair of flairs with every hip replacement
       just take the stairs to the bargain basement
       babies bottles full of the milk of human kindnestle

       ladies and gentlemen boys and girls
       the big shop is open, it's a wonderful world

And for some reason it's not a wonderful world at all. Something is most assuredly unsatisfactory, and it's called resentment.

He feels man a particularly wretched creature, condemned to wander the planet for those proverbial three score and ten in the full knowledge of his own death. This seems neither fair nor reasonable.

He sees life become a cruel, monstrous joke. Why should he have been created, only to suffer a life tainted by the permanent fear of knowledge of his own impending annihilation? Was he consulted in this matter?

"Love God" he's told. Yeah well why should he, anyway? Does God give a fuck about him? Aha? So how come he's here, lost, lonely, alone, afraid? How come he gets to die so soon? He cries bitterly... he knows that, somewhere, he loves God, but has no idea whether this God either exists or cares, and the feeling of abandonment and betrayal makes him want to scream in anger and confusion, just scream WHY? WHY THIS? Why have I been condemned to this fear, this knowledge of death?

He wonders if he's supposed to feel grateful for the time allowed, but knows that won't do. He wants answers. He wants reassurance. If he gets to die then fuck god, just fuck god, no being pretending to love its creation would impose this SHIT this TORTURE the tears still flow... he cries for himself.....

---

Act II

[A room, quiet and airy, windows look out over garden and fields. Two voices are heard]

-- It's clearly upset
-- Mmm, this is deep stuff. It wants its mother, I think.
-- It seems to think that mother has abandoned it
-- "Fuck faith, I want my mummy"
-- Essentially, yes.

[Voice three enters]

-> Was it ever happy?

// Sensation of warmth, nipple in mouth, contentment... baby looks up,
// quizzically smiling... What's wrong? Everything's fine here.

-- And then what?
-- I think she put him down and left him to scream his little heart out
-- Why did she leave him?
-- He never knew why. It just hurt.

// Hang on hang on there's something here

-> And God?

-- Died at the age of, oh, eight or so according to its memory
-- Any reason given?

[All:] It felt abandoned.

// It knew death, didn't it? It started to believe in death. God and death are
// incompatible... death == total annihilation. What parent would allow its
// children to experience total annihilation? Would leave them alone like
// that? Nothing worth believing in. Hardcore atheism loaded and running. 

-> It needs a new God. Call the Theologian!

[Enter the Theologian, accompanied by new Mystic friend. They are both very stoned.]

-- We need to know about God

=) God?
%) He wants to talk about God.
=) So to speak
%) Yeah okay. Alright then, we'll tell you the important bits and you work the rest out yourselves
=) Rule number one:

GOD EXISTS

%) Dig that? The supreme being, all that shit. Yeah, there's a supreme being.
=) Rule number two

GOD IS COOL

%) You thought God was some straight loser type? Shit, that's fucked _up_
=) No wonder you guys are struggling. Anyway here's
%) Rule number three

GOD IS MANIFEST

=) Manifest, you dig that? What did you expect?

// Sensations of Presence... eyes close and fire/light roars up the spine and
// through the system, the energy body responds to Goddess dancing and moving
// in new light and joy and freedom She's here.....

%) =) That's enough, it'll work the rest out from there. Just keep telling it the new rules.

-- It's making strange movements, look
-- Some kind of bizarre dance movements?
-- No hang on we're making it move. Slow down!
-- Okay, I'll just... slow...

// Chi rush, it bows head to ankles in the loving presence of GOD... maybe
// this'll embarrass God... it doesn't care.....

[Primal Scream Move it on up, they were blind, now they can see.....]

---

Act III

Or, the return to Consensual Hallucinations aka "reality".

-> It admits unkowns in its knowledge of god and death
-- What does it believe?
-- It doesn't know, it's uncertain
%) It knows the rules, though?
-- Ah, but can it see the truth of them?
-> It's going to go stone crazy if it keeps this up
-- Then it best get crazy faith

// Crazy faith... proven antidote for The Fear Of Going Insane

He wants serenity, craves it even. He can't live in permanent awe. He needs a dialogue with TheOther... wants to return but to lose The Fear... hopes the tears have helped somewhere, hopes and prays that it's going now, that his 24th year will help, that the 23rd, ended over Samhain, Halloween, the "New Year for European Pagans" will pass away, that some core of light and being will reassert itself...

        "Only those are happy who have desired the unattainable"
                                                        -- Book 4

// fade.....