scrytch: lou

by Darren Bauler

Date: Mon, 3 Jun 1996 10:48:38 -0500 (CDT)

Lou is one of those creepy guys who'll corner you at a party and talk for hours about how the riff from Nirvana's "Come As You Are" is really from Killing Joke's "Eighties"; moreover, he thinks such information is not only interesting but Important. He's the sort of person who writes the names of bands on the back of his backpack in black marker, hoping some female will walk past him, see it and say "Hey! Crass was a great band! Wanna get it on?". Lou basically flunked out of college after blowing his Pell grant on his massive collection of vinyl imports, ep's and 7" (yes, there are still snotty lo-fi geeks who buy 7"s, believe it or not) of bands so obscure that even members of the bands forgot they existed. Lou is also the only known person on the planet who still owns a copy of the first and only Dickrattler and the Reverberators single "Crotch Soup/We Can Still Be Friends", which is why Ed needs to talk to him.

"Heya, Ed, long time, mi amigo."

"Yeah, well, I've been busy with the band and all-"

"Yeah, that reminds me, you want this? I tried to sell it, but Co-op wouldn't take it, and no offense or nothing, but there really isnUt much of a market for y'all."

"You're just going to give it to me? You told me I'd have to do all kinds of unspeakable acts before I'd get it back...what's your angle, fat boy?"

"Oh, nothing, I just got out of the sub-alterno-deep-underground music genre. It's just not interesting, I mean, I was listening to some Aube/PGR stuff and I realized, man, where's the rhythym? Where's the drive, the showmanship, the cohones? So I sold all the old vinyl and got into a new thing."

"What? You sold all the old stuff? The Radiopulheimat singles? The Head of David eps? Those great Halo of Flies live bootlegs?"

"All gone. Got about $25 bucks for all seven crates, which was enough to get started on my new thing..."

"New thing? What's this about a new thing? Like...heavier?"

"No, no, like...okay. Everything that used to be underground is popular, right?"

"Basically, yeah."

"So what's the new underground?"

"Uh..."

"Man, don't you get it! Hair Metal is where it's at, man! Ratt and Cinderella and Poison, they're really doing it, man, what Rock and Roll is really all about! I've been listening to that lately, like a lot, and I think it's really gonna be the next big thing."

"It already was a big thing. In, like, '86. And it died a horrible, unglorious death, and will never come back again."

"That's what I mean! What could be more underground than a music form which has been ostracized from pop music? Thrown out, paraiahed...because it rocked SO MUCH!"

"Cinderella? Didn't they play at My Waterloo Days last year?"

"Yeah, that's what did it -- I saw 'em kick it live, and it changed the way I think about music, and ever since then I've been less and less interested in my old stuff and more into this. I've even started a web site, Hair.Net, and I'm getting a lot of responses from other people who are in on this too, man. It's gonna be big."

Lou starts to get a certain look in his eye, a look of the lost now found.

"All that stuff, though, it all goes back to one band. Some people think it's Bowie, or Kiss, or T Rex, or even Sabbath, but no. Something had to come along and take all those bands and solidify them with a certain style, a certain pop sensibility, and a flair for quality songwriting."

"Lou, I'm afraid of this conversation and I think it's time i start going..."

"Abba, Eddie. It all goes back to Abba."

Ed walks out the door and tries his hardest to forget the conversation, but ever since, he can't seem to get "Dancing Queen" out of his head, which has been even more difficult than the time he was stuck on "The Night Chicago Died". Pity poor Ed, and keep him in your prayers tonight.