and suddenly there is a house right in the middle of my private nowhere. it appears like a hawk breaking through a butterfly net. it is fate(tm) again..a progression towards the stars (who, as we found out, did not care whether we came home or not). just as i was falling asleep whispers rushed and roared into ears which flapped with shutters. something, which my drowsiness first took to be the house. something which i now know is somebody here in the middle of my private nowhere not knowing how i got here nor she there, begins whispering wanting to know what my dream was. a friend. i ask her name. she giggles, but if she answers i do not hear. meanwhile the good humor bells ring down the street where the creek used to be but they are only selling acts of devotion these days. their brother her lover your sister our teacher my penpal the shadow is lying next to me,, sick.. la folie circulaire. there will be no ice cream today. elves have entered the house and are writing songs. thirteen hundred years pass in a day. for many of those years silence was only broken by notes of music. they flash; they flash. a cynical MAN screams there was no music. sections fall out full of elves who remind me not to look into a dying girl's eyes. she fell. she fell. i wanted the carnival. i fall. falling, i trusted. frenzy, i trusted. falling, i trusted. there is no end in sight. falling became reaching. reaching became a bedtime story. i have fallen asleep, in the cradle of creation.

the chamber doors open. children played: children who were always on the verge of inheriting...something. the stars did not care if we came home. this is the big one he said. the earth shook but there was nothing to compare it to.

ascend.

descend.

wings covered with webs of deja-vu spread my tissues apart, my diaphragm fills with crystal air. sculptures of sound break as i throw them against the wall. it bleeds. the wall is my paranoia, the wall is my jealousy, the wall is my rage, the wall is that part of me which, finally, refuses to be integrated. i bleed through it.