a story that doesnt use the words midas touch elektra complex broken mirror brings bad luck
by deborah siegel
Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 14:39:11 -0700 (PDT)

I pulled Strawberry Shortcake into the vehicle and we sped away. Now there were five of us, zooming along the suprahighway, 11 feet in the air, in the Metal Groove-Mobile. Earlier we were being pursued by the evil Mr.Creepy and his sidekick Shadow. They had penetrated our vehicle, and we gave them the boot. I imagined them spending hours peeling their slimy asses off the pavement.

"This is a message from Captain Quek, do you read Metal Groove-Mobile?"

"10 four Captain."

"You are to rendevous on the Planet Gela-Tin immediately upon completion of your mission. Do you copy. Over."

"Xerox-clear sir. Mission completed. Shortcake recovered. Enemy lost, Captain. Heading to The planet."

"10 four Major Great. Over and Out."

Major Great switched off the com. "Well folx, another job well done" he congratulated us. "You can't be serious," Shortcake said. "How do you know that wasn't Mr. Creepy, luring us into one of his evil traps?" Major Great's face twitched slightly, probably as a result of his high salt diet. He faced Shortcake. "We'll be prepared for anything."

The Metal Groove-Mobile shimmied its way through some interplanetary dust, got a little masochistic with an Asteriod Belt, and neatly but unknowingly avoided a black hole. The Metal Groove-Mobile and its five most excellent passengers, Strawberry Shortcake, Major Great, J.S.D.R.B Hobbs Jr., Red McGee, and myself, veered through space and time toward the planet Gela-Tin. "Ok lets raise the roof on this bucket!" said Red. "Woohoo!!!!" said the other four. J.S.D.R.B. started passing out the drugs. "What the hell else is there to do?!" he exclaimed, as he rationed out the rainy-day supply of lysergic acid diethylamide-25, MDMA, 4-bromo-2 5-dimethoxyphenethylamine, DMT, PSillycibon Mushrooms, Peyote, Hashish, Opium, Cannabis, Yage, Ayahusca, Dramamine, Bully Hill "Love My Goat" Wine, Camel Filters, and Ben & Jerry's Devil's Food Chocolate Sorbet. "Hey! your Serotonin is in my Dopamine!" exclaimed Shortcake. "I'm Sloshed," Observed the Major. Outside the cabin, stars were born and died. Planets accrued matter and gravity, grew populations of living beings, invented Politically Correct Behavior, and were destroyed by random galactic burps before anyone left the surface or were discovered. Some time and many waves of paranoia and joy later they arrived for landing at the planet Gela-Tin.

The doors to the MGM opened slowly and they peeked out. Strawberry was the first to let down her guard. "Hi Dad," she said. "Young lady," The Captain said, gravely. But then he smiled. "You really know how to irk the fire out of me. The next time you want to visit planet Victorius Secretus without telling anyone I will leave you to the whim of Mr.Creepy and his sidekick Shadow." At this he winked at Major Great. What an enlightened man, the Major thought to himself as they piled out of the vehicle and headed toward the beach.

Tune in next week for further tales of the Stupendous Neurotic Bisexual Polyamorous Weird Druggie Crew and their Metal Groove-Mobile.