the Baulernetics FAQ
Thu, 31 Jul 1997 17:33:14 -0400 (EDT)

1. What is Baulernetics, and is it suitable for me?

Baulernetics began in the early '90s as a deep-thought experiment, in which large doses of quasi-legal pharmaceuticals and Tibetan deep chant techniques were synchronized with cutting-edge research in sleep modification and personality analysis. The information gleaned from these sessions has since been distilled to the essence of the teachings popularly known as Baulernetics; fully known as The Baulerphonic School for the Advancement of Celestial Systems Management and Harmonious Self-Organizing Psychological Development. Essentially, the gist of the system is centered around the concept of Mojo. You see, the mind is clouded over with Bad Mojo. Baulernetics helps aid in the removal of societal-imposed Bad Mojo, replacing the spaces with the Good Mojo of childnhood and happiness, to reach a state called Infancy, or clean mojo. We live in a world where we are faced everyday by pressures and trials, by troubles and terrors, and the harnessing of Good Mojo becomes increasingly difficult without a kind of guidance to help us along, to stay beside us when we are tempted. This is where Baulernetics comes along: a kind of immune system for the soul.

2. How exactly does Baulernetics work?

Throughout time, man has used models taken from science and nature and art in order to find a kind of structure in the world, a way of seeing and understanding his life. The invention of clockwork gear-driven mechanisms led to a conception of the universe as being the same way: clockwork, ordered. Recent advancements in Chaosscience have permeated the New Age world. Baulernetics looks to a different model: the model of disease, of plague and sickness, as a guiding light. Don't let such terminology throw you off; we see our work here as being a "curing of the sickness of teh modern soul", a cleaning of the diseases, or Bad Mojo, that enters into our minds every day. Baulernetics does this by teaching the subject (our term for the novice Baulerite) where this Bad Mojo comes from. We identify this as any source of stimulus which causes conflict, or The Intruder, our term for that which breaches the state of calm and understanding we strive for. We fight off The Intruder by cultivating stillness, detaching from destructive relationships, and reducing outside source info, gradually, until there is a silence that few of us in this hectic world tryly know. And that silence, my friends, that utter joy of not being pushed or programmed or abused, that feeling is WONDERFUL.

3. Is Baulernetics a cult?

Do we brainwash people? Yes. I say this unabashedly, because there is such a need for a cleeaning of the filth of the world, the contamination that comes just from walking down the street, that in order to break through the walls The Intruder has set up around the subject's mind strong medicine in needed. A taste of Good Mojo is enough to get one through a minor Crisis Point, but in order to keep the circle pure, there must be a steady stream, leading us back to Infancy. There are skeptics, and there are doubters, as there always are when a new form of purity enters the world. The world doesn't want to admit it's sick; like a patient who doesn't want to take their medicine. Though it is not the role of the doctor to play god, it is their role to decided what is best for the patient and take action immediately. This is our role as well. We see the world from the Infant-State, and can understand methods and pathways most cannot see. There is a modicum of trust involved, but once you have a feel for the joy of living without attachment, without conflict, without the efforts and pains of being alive in this world, you'l never want to go back; you'll have lost the means to breahte in that world.

4. Can anyone become a Baulerite?

Certainly; we take any and all, in fat we encourage a vast array of peole; since there is a decreased ammount of human interaction beyond the first few steps we treat each subject as an individual challenge, a process in motion. All you need is a bit of turst and the willingness to commit to the entire 97-step "Spiral to Success", with a nominal gift offering of $3000 (tax deductable) at the beginning of each step. This money goes toward the maintenence of the Baulernetic High Ashram Compound in lovely Hudson, IA, as well as funding further research in Baulerdelic High-End Transcendental Technology Productions.

In closing, we would like to say that the proof of the system is evident in the testimonials high-stepping Baulerites have given. Alas, none hav ethe ability to hold a conversation anymore, having left the flawed system of "words" (known to Baulerites as The Black Web) behind. One is currently seeking messages from God in the placement of bees along a wall in the comppound, another is using the phrase "stop stop stop" as his personal Power Mantra, and most have reached such a high state of consciousness that their bodies do not even move, having been left behind. Pop star and initiate of the black satanic mills of electronic noise Brian Wilson once sang "Hang on to your ego," but look where it got him. We offer a different means, an escape trajectory from the endless terror of being alive.

LET GO. LET GO. LET GO.

-thank you for your time, BaulerCorp. Analytic Phylums.